[TW- ED, mentions depression and anxiety in passing, miscarriages, and body/ fat shaming from others]
(I apologise for the picture quality. I am no good with editing stuff and I had to use paint so I did the best I could.)
~*Possible triggers - mentions of past feelings towards myself and eating disorder.*~
My name is Jase, I’ll be 21 on Oct 13th.
I can’t say I’ve always been happy with my body. Even when I was skinny as a child my mother constantly commented on my weight making me feel horrible for being only 10lbs over the ‘recommended’ weight for my heigth of 5’4”.
I’ve suffered from major depression for years and horrible bouts of anxiety. The pressure to look like other girls did at my age, the constant ridicule at school caused issues I still struggle with today.
I was anorexic. It got so bad to the point I was only eatting a meal every other day, or more. My mother began to force me to eat. Shoving food onto my plate that I had absolutely no desire to even see.
My anerxia turned into over eating. I gained weight like crazy and when I reached 160lbs, I was oddly at piece with my body. I loved the way my stomach looked. I loved how perky my boobs were. But, I still let people drag me down.
I got pregnant at 16 and had my daughter at 17, by the end of the pregnancy I was 203lbs. My worse nightmare was to hit that 200lb mark.
I lost all but 10lbs of my baby weight, but eventually the stress of getting married, finding out my husband gave me a STD, getting a divorce, getting pregnant for the four time (I’ve had two miscarriages) and finding out the baby was ectopic, losing my tube along with my baby and most if not all of my chance to have a second child caught up to me.
Now when I stand on the scale I’m anywhere between 220 to 230.
To be honest, when I walk into work everyday at my new job it’s not my weight I worry about. I actually like the way my body looks now. I’ve come to terms with the large belly that hangs, covered in stretch marks. My once perky b cups now saggy c/d cups. I was given this body. I created a life from this body and my daughter is the most precious person to me.
I love my body. I truly do.
But, living my life the way I have, hearing the things I have heard, I still often times fear that no one will ever like me or my body as much as I do.
I chose these pictures because after years of wanting to get my nipples pierced I finally got up the courage.
I lacked it at first, when I first thought of getting the piercings. I’m fat, I told myself, I am covered in stretch marks, no one would want to see my body, it isn’t as beautiful as other’s.
But, then I realized, I love my body. My body to me is beautiful and it’s only my thoughts that count. So, I marched into the shop with my friend and I got myself the piercings I have been denying myself for years.
A way to prove to myself that I am indeed just as worthy of having my nipples pierced as any other.
This blog, seeing all of you amazing and gorgeous ladies, it’s given me hope. There are people at there, just like me, struggling to accept themselves, and there are people out there that accept themselves and can support us still questioning our worth.
It feels nice, to finally have hope.
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